The Whale Jo Chronicles - Live from Las Vegas - DAY ONE

DAY ONE - October 22, 2009


E-mail #1
Location: Departure Airport
Time: 10:58 a.m.
Subject: Epic pee

I swear I just timed my pee and it was a minute and 45 seconds- unreal.

Good sign

E-mail #2
Location: On the Airplane
Time: 11:18 a.m.
Subject: Ride from airport at 2:15

[Just e-mailed host at encore] asking for encore limo from airport I hope they send the rolls

Just asked for first class upgrade at the ticker counter but its sold out of course but I did move up from 24a to 12f

Double down on seat upgrade!

Why are there seven different varieties of gun magazines at the airport kiosk but not one magazine about gambling?

E-mail #3
Location: Still On the Airplane
Time: 11:38 a.m.
Subject: Ride from airport at 2:15

Another small win - no one in the middle seat! Just about to take off have a lovely older lady on my left who is going to her friends wedding - I asked her if she likes to gamble and she said she only likes to watch.

I will never understand that

E-mail #4
Location: On the Airplane - but in VEGAS
Time: 1:44 p.m.
Subject: A few random notes from 32,000 feet

(NOTE FROM JACO - Whale Jo drafted this on the plane and shot it off as soon as his plane touched down)

A few random notes from 32,000 feetVegas is a gigantic gurgling living maze of wonder and abandonment for me. It always has been and even now at age 39, blessed with everything I've ever wanted in life(the most amazing wife, my health, family, friends and a girl on her way), the allure is as strong as ever.

In one word it's possibility.

(sidenote the stewardess just walked by and gave me a smiley face on a post-it for being an MVP gold on Alaska air - and said I can cash it in later for a free drink! How cool is that??)


It's the idea that anything can happen at any time. It's the odds defying mathematical anomaly that can and will happen at least a few times in life. I happen to believe there's a little more to what we see and know and it's a place like vegas that can give momentary glimpses into that other world. Everyone calls it something different, from religion to degeneracy, but in the doctrine of whalejo, I prefer to think of it as magic.

My best memories of this magic have occurred with Jaco.

I remember this mystical Asian woman at a roulette table who was telepathically funneling numbers to me, but she would just send me one number, like an 8. So then I would frantically cover every number with an 8 in it, 18, 28, 8, and then close my eyes and smile, knowing that the last 13 rolls were inexplicable and that this woman who Im not sure was even physcially there, was signalling me through a few seconds jump in time, giving me numbers to bet.

I remember an epic craps roll where I had to say the exact same thing over and over and over while one of the crew asked the most ridiculous question. And it wasn't until I had answered in the exact tone that he was listening for until he rolled. And rolled and rolled. he rolled for 45 minutes.

It's a release from the norm, a temporary respite from the regular rules.

I remember hitting 4 of a kind at let it ride - it was 4 4s and I had 2 in my hand and a split second before the dealer turned up her 2nd 4 in front of her to make me quads, I screamed across the casino to jaco - hey jaco watch this I'm gonna hit quads!!

I remember a thousand times that I knew I was going to lose. Just knew it absolutely without a doubt I was going to flush it. And it always happened.

But the true magic is when Jaco and I truly feel it. We dance between raindrops and everything turns to gold.

I remember walking by row after row of slot machines, looking for that one special gem, the one that was going to ring. And then sitting, respectfully acknowledging it's being, and then listening to it sing.

It's all crazy and it's all possible,But when Jaco and I are truly flowing through that magical ether of vegas and not fighting the stream but letting it take us over, magic happens.

I just reread that paragraph and it sounded quite gay. Clarification to the readers: jaco and whalejo are 2 of the most Hetero men in the planet. We are timber cutting woodsmen who rejoice in their testosterone fueled madness. However that does not and will not exclude us from being a tad sensitive to the wonder of the world. I for instance, will openly weep at soap commercials - get me to a wedding and I cry longer than the bride... I think Jaco will admit to the same delicate sensitivities

I've completely digressed and it's now time to finish this delicious rum drink, pop in a stick of nicotine gum and try to control my urge to scream Sanjaya!!! at the top of my lungs and crawl like a french circus performer along the tops of everyones heads, making my way row by row to the cockpit to speed this thing along!!!

E-mail #5
Location: Sitll on the plane in VEGAS
Time: 1:46 p.m.
Subject: Ride from airport at 2:15

Just landed see [my host's] note below I swear she's mad at me!!!!
I feel like I got drunk and cheated on her
I hope I see her
I whispered shipit to myself 7 times as we landed
I got a goooooooood feeling!!!!

E-mail #6
Location: Still on the plane in VEGAS
Time: 1:48 p.m.
Subject: Welcome to Las Vegas

I fucking love it
I just sent you long ramblings from the plane ride
It actually made the plane trip quicker
Now it's time for the full boar sprint through the airport
Why does Alaska drop you off at Timbuktu mccaren?
Where's my helicopter???????!

E-mail #7
Location: Still on the plane in VEGAS
Time: 1:52 p.m.
Subject: I would pay 50 bucks

To be the first one off the plane

This is torture!!!!

E-mail #8
Location: Outside of McCarren Airport
Time: 2:08 p.m.
Subject: No driver yet

But outside having my first vegas smoke

It feels like 85

E-mail #9
Location: McCarren Airport
Time: 2:28 p.m.
Subject: James is here with the Rolls!

No message.

E-mail #10
Location: With the Phantom
Time: 2:48 p.m.
Subject: WJ Arrives in style


E-mail #11
Location: Encore
Time: 3:06 p.m.
Subject: Just got in the room

Moment of sadness without you next door and all that shared adrenalin
and anticipation

Caning beers and screaming obscenities

Vegas and the encore miss Jaco!!!!


Email #12
Location: Wynn Casino
Time: 3:36 p.m.
Subject: First Session

Up $1500 played half a shoe of bj

Guy sitting on next table has $30k in front if him and his semi hot
girlfriend was doing a meg Ryan orgasm thing- it started feeling weird
so I bailed

At wynn now walked through encore and the vibe was dead

Now onto $5 vp


E-mail #13
Location: Wynn Casino
Time: 3:42 p.m.
Subject: Full house $5 vp

E-mails #14 - #17
Location: Wynn Casino
Time: 3:58 p.m.; 4:10 p.m.; 5:09 p.m.; 5:30 p.m.
Subjects: First handpay $5 wof; 2nd handpay!!!; Epic Blackjack hand - unreal; and Up $5k pic attached.

"Had no idea what it paid - $1290"

"Our old friend- I chose at least ten prizes - one $500 and several



E-mail #18
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 6:11 p.m.
Subject: So Hammered

Raising everything in 5-10 no limit not even looking

Winning pot after pot

E-mail #19
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 6:53 p.m.
Subject: [none] (e-mail to the entire crew)

Up just shy of $5k raising every hand blind in wynn 5-10 no limit game and talking smack to the douches!!!!!!

2 hadpays a couple epic bj runs and a very drunk mental state

I keep asking the hot little waitress for a catheter

E-mail #20
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 6:56 p.m.
Subject: Help me keep this I'll pay $500 of your airfare

[no message - Whale Jo just sent the pick of the $5k chip from above to the whole crew]

E-mail #21
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 7:06 p.m.
Subject: [none - another e-mail sent to all the crew]

I'm crushing this no limit game raising blind every hand up about 6500 for the day

Guy just sat down with 15k.

Ruh roh

E-mail #22
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 7:27 p.m.
Subject: Random 300 win in between poker session


E-mail #23
Location: Okada
Time: 8:30 p.m.
Subject: [none]

I am following jacos advice to a T

[NOTE - I wrote Whale Jo and told him to go eat and then play one last hand of BJ and then lock himself in his room]

I am sitting at the okada bar with 5k cash in my pocket, 6k chips and about 2500 sitting at the poker table

Oh and a 600 slot ticket

I brought down 4 from the room and havnt been back

So up about 9???!


I'm so fuching happy

I think the waitress is scared of me I just ordered like 10 things

Gotta go pee again and then the feast begins!!!!!!!!!!!!

E-mail #24
Location: Okada
Time: 8:38 p.m.
Subject: First round at Okada


E-mail #25
Location: Okada
Time: 8:45 p.m.
Subject: View from the table

I'm already full and I just finished the first round!!!!


E-mail #26
Location: Okada
Time: 8:51 p.m.
Subject: Food heaven

Pork, shrimp, scallops and bacon wrapped asparagus

Wake me up I'm dreaming


E-mail #27
Location: Okada
Time: 8:57 p.m.
Subject: First round at Okada

I just told 3 people to wake me up

And then this one guy offered me an espresso

I love Vegas

I miss you dude

We would literally be crying right now

I want to jump across the counter and hug the sushi chef

E-mail #28
Location: Okada
Time: 9:01 p.m.
Subject: Espresso then high limit blackjack

What a combination

If I happen to die let them know that I went out complete


E-mail #29
Location: Wynn/Encore
Time: 10:22 p.m.
Subject: All on one card, life is good

E-mail #30
Location: Wynn Casino
Time: 10:27 p.m.
Subject: [none]

You wouldn't believe the last blackjack hand - I split 2s for 3k and get a 14 on 1 hand and a 6 on the other - double down - I end up with a 17 - dealer draws 1 to a 13 and busts!!!!!


I fucking screamed it at the top of my lungs

E-mail #31
Location: Encore
Time: 10:37 p.m.
Subject: [none]

Back in the room up about $13,500!!!

Time to chill with a movie and some cookies

E-mail #32
Location: Encore
Time: 10:56 p.m.
Subject: WJ signing off for the night - up $13,500




Anonymous said...

Here's hoping that some tables/Slots get 'Caned'... did I use the term right?


Anonymous said...

Yes - caned - correct usage of the term. Well done!


Anonymous said...

Quote...'We are timber cutting woodsmen who rejoice in their testosterone fueled madness.' I now picturing the Monty Python... I'm a lumberjack, and I'm OK skit???

Great stuff...keep it coming.. :)


Bind said...

just came across you blog, f-ing awesome. Just got back from Vegas and love all of the stories. (because I feel like I can relate) Well done. Strongly recommend reading all of these post prior to a Vegas weekend. Gets you pumped. Pics complete the whole story.