Vegas Crew Application

For the January trip, the crew is contemplating adding a few additional members. The first step in that process is being nominated by a current crew member . . . but what about after that? Shouldn't there be some sort of written application? Absolutely.

If you feel like answering the questions - please do! Just e-mail me back your answers. I've received a few already and the responses are pretty humorous! I'll post my favorite or favorites in the next couple days.

theApplication – You have 15 minutes to complete this Application in full.

Name: _________________________________________


1. Name, in sequence, the hotel casinos on the Strip, starting with Mandalay Bay, going as far north as Stratosphere, crossing the street to the Sahara, and then finishing at MGM.


2. Where is the best place to buy souvenirs in Vegas?


3. Who was Danny Gans?


4. If you needed to get from the MGM to the Las Vegas Hilton, would you:

(a) Take a cab;
(b) Take the monorail;
(c) Take the Deuce;
(d) Walk.


5. Name at least three steak joints on the Strip.


6. Name at least three free attractions in Vegas.


7. Name at least two strip clubs in Vegas.


8. Name at least five different table games you can find in a Vegas casino.


9. Where can you find a white tiger?


10. Who is the best female vocalist performing in Vegas (careful, trick question).


11. When faced with the choice at McCarren Airport of standing in the taxi line for 25 minutes or hopping in a limo or town car, which do you choose?


12. Please explain why you stop at a liquor store on the way to the hotel? Is it:

(a) To save some money so you can have drinks in your room;
(b) Because you are a degenerate drunk;
(c) To keep your buzz going from the 4 drinks on the airplane; or
(d) All of the above


13. When you arrive at your hotel, what is the first thing you do after checking in:

(a) Drop bags off with a bellhop and head straight for the tables;
(b) Head up to room and order room service, watch a movie and take a nap;
(c) Head up to room, scream at the top of your lungs, and then power down a mini-bar beer;
(d) Unpack, check blackberry, and drink a diet Cherry Coke.


14. When riding in a taxi or a limo, is it appropriate to ask the driver to drive as fast as he can up to a casino entrance and then hit his brakes so that the car will come to a screeching stop?


15. Two-part Question. It is 3 a.m. You are playing black jack. You order a drink. The drink does not come for 30 minutes. During that 30 minutes you suffer a money flush (i.e., you lose all your chips). Would you immediately call over the pit boss and demand that your entire trip be comped? If the pit boss didn't give you any love, would you continue your efforts up the management chain until you received some sort of just compensation?


16. You are playing $2-$4 limit poker at Luxor at 3 a.m. Your flush loses on the river to a full house. On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being “never” and 10 being “done deal” how likely is it that you will accuse the dealer of cheating and demand to see surveillance tapes?



17. You go to a strip club with your buddy. You become separated. At some point you are lured back to a private room for a "dance." When you open the door to the room, you see your buddy sitting in there. Alone. He has a very shameful look on his face. How would you handle this situation?


18. What does RFB stand for?


19. Have you ever received a “comp” at a Vegas hotel. If so, please elaborate.


20. Is there ever a time when you would split K-K during a game of black jack?


21. Have you ever bet the dark side?


22. It is midnight. You get in a cab at Bellagio to go back to your room. Where are you staying?


23. What is the first question you should ask any cab driver in Vegas?

(a) How fast can you get me there?
(b) How are you?
(c) Where can I go to get a massage with a fourth of july surprise?


24. What is the best way at a restaurant to check whether or not your steak is cooked to your liking?


25. Do you know what a "juice roll" is? If so, please describe the most random person in Vegas that you have ever "juiced."

The Whale Jo Chronicles - Whale Jo's Lost Chapter

Welcome - you've stumbled across the "The Whale Jo Chronicles." These posts (four in all) are a recount of the exploits of my friend Whale Jo during an October 22 - October 24 trip to Vegas. Don't know who Whale Jo is? Check out the trip reports on this blog and then you'll know. I'd recommend: The Shipit Trip Report and The Chocolate Chip Trip Report for starters. Or you can scroll down this page and you'll see the reports and various pictures from Las Vegas.

Most of the e-mails and pictures came from the first two days of his trip. Here's a link to Day One. Want to see what happened on Day Two? Here's a link to Day Two. What little trickled out on the third day can be found at Day Three.

Suffice to say, Whale Jo's trip had its ups and downs and appears to have ended, this time, on a down note. I wasn't sure if I'd get a final report putting a wrap on this trip - but Whale Jo has been gracious enough to provide me with his "Lost Chapter."

The next Vegas trip is January 2010 . . . but I do plan on adding some more content to this site between now (October 2009) and then . . . so please come back and visit. And, good or bad, please send me an e-mail if you have any comments or questions.

And without further ado . . .

------------------------------------------------------
Whale Jo's Lost Chapter
------------------------------------------------------
Reprinted with express permission by W. Joe.

As many of you have probably experienced, it's all about timing in Vegas.

When you walk away, when you hit a table, when you put a dollar in a slot machine. If you're a second too late or too early...

So after an incredible run the first night I was riding a high through the 2nd day. I felt like my timing was perfect. Like James Caan in The Gambler, I was juking and jiving, bopping and weaving....I was invincible. A few hundred here, a few hundred there, a couple thousand here, a couple thousand there. It was magic and I was in the zone.

After meeting up with some of the TA boys at Golden Gate and finally crushing the Golden Nugget to the tune of about $4k, I was back up $10K for the trip.

I felt good. I was up. It was Friday night and I saw the big lights.

I told the cabbie - Back to the Encore!

And that was my fatal mistake.

I had horrible luck at the Encore the entire trip, and now, as the sweet scent greeted me at the door I thought I could outhorsepower the gods and take some of Steve's loot.

No luck.

I ended up sitting at the high limit blackjack table for 3 hours and dumping hand after hand after hand. I just wouldn't give up. I kept trying to force it and I kept losing. It was disgusting. I tried everything I could think of - switching from 1 to 4 hands, standing, hitting, splitting, doubling. Every move I made was the wrong one.

Finally, at 3 am, I gave up.

I went up to the room and passed out.

I had been there before, so many times, when I tried to force it and lost.

I broke all my cardinal rules and I paid for it.

On Saturday I woke up, had an incredibly refreshing breakfast, massage and workout and then gave it one final stand, grinding it at $100 a pop throughout the afternoon, trying to get back the magic and get in the flow again.

But by late Saturday night I hit the wall. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted and decided to lick my wounds and retreat to the suite.

3 days in Vegas is a marathon and I ran too fast in the beginning and didn't have any legs for the finish.

The trip back on Sunday was thankfully uneventful. The ride in the Rolls does wonders for the beaten down spirit of a Vegas loser. Steve is a marketing guru.

I'm back in the drizzly Pacific Northwest now and ready to train again. There's 3 months to go til our January trip which I know will be epic.

I'll have my wingman Jaco back to guide me through the madness and magic, as well as our 5 copilots: buzzy; Chaz; Frankiestyles; Double D; and the Doctor.

Cheers,
WJ

The Whale Jo Chronicles - Live from Las Vegas - DAY THREE

-------

DAY THREE - October 24, 2009

-------


E-mail #1
Location: Unknown
Time: 12:45 a.m.
Subject: eBay slot heaven 2 machine 15x


-------

E-mail #2
Location: Unknown
Time: 1:41 p.m.
Subject: Have to go find magic

Just had a life altering massage followeb by chocolate donuts and eggs
benedict and a documentary about dolphins

I'm back in love with this town

The restorative powers of vegas are unrivaled
-------

E-mail #3:
Location: Encore
Time: 3:40 p.m.
Subject: [none]


Just getting back into the flow - I completely tried to force it last night to no avail besides a lot of rubber bands around my wrist and a pocket full of paperclips


I need the prayers of your readers today


The climb is starting.....
-------

E-mail #4
Location: Encore
Time: 8:03 p.m.
Subject: Retire

It's time

To lick my wounds and retreat

Headed back to the room to order a disgusting amount of room service
and order every movie on pay per view and watch each for 2 minutes
-------

E-mail #5
Location: Encore
Time: 10:00 p.m.
Subject: [None]

I'm thinking about taking one last shot at midnight.
-------

The Whale Jo Chronicles - Live from Las Vegas - DAY TWO

-------

DAY TWO - October 23, 2009

-------

E-mail #1:
Location: Encore
Time: 9:30 a.m.
Subject: Nice calm morning

It's still so hard to sleep here I really do believe they pump 'wake up and come downstairs to gamble air' into the vents in the hotel rooms. I feel amazing.

Thank you for being my virtual wingman last nightI felt like I had to prove it to you and your readers and hold onto the money, although that last hand could have obviously gone sideways.

My plan today is to grind in the morning and slowly make my way to Caesars for a noon $1k buy in no limit holdem tournament.

There will probably be a hundred runners so 1st place will be around $30k.

I just want to have fun and play well.

I've never cashed in a vegas poker tournament so I reckon I'm due.

Stay tuned I'll give updates throughout the day.
-------

E-mail #2
Location: Encore
Time: 11:53 a.m.
Subject: Re: Nice calm morning

So far bad morning
got sucked into let it ride and went about 20 hands without 1 win ouch
Then tried to win back at blackjack and did another flush
Yikes how it all can change

I'm still up but I need to get out of here!!! Encore is death
-------

E-mail #3
Location: Encore
Time: 12:11 p.m.
Subject: Re: Nice calm morning

Just got back almost all of it - again it all came down to 1 card- I pull a 21 and beat his 20

Shipit I'm at the cage now cashing 11k and running for the hills

Cp here I come
-------

E-mail #4
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 2:41 p.m.
Subject: Still in tournament

[Note - Whale Jo is playing in the $1,000 N/L Hold 'Em poker event at the Caesar's Palace Classic]

Have total ADD I can't sit in my seat.

I keep getting up and going to the pit or the vp bar.

Poker tournaments are boring!!!
-------

E-mail #5
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 2:43 p.m.
Subject: Just got dealt 4 10s at $2 vp with max bet!

Ship $500 my way!!!
-------

E-mail #6
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 2:52 p.m.
Subject: Re: Just got dealt 4 10s at $2 vp with max bet!

[NOTE - I asked Whale Jo how many players were in the tourney and what his plan was for tonight]

There's 71 players - I think I'll try some high limit poker at bellagio and then go back to the wynn for more blackjack madness.

I'm calm again now. I got pretty tilted this morning at let it ride when I didn't win a hand for an hour.
-------

E-mail #7
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 2:56 p.m.
Subject: Just busted this poor old bastard

Shipit

I have 5-7
flop come q-7-6
Turn 4
river 5
He has kq

Goodbye

Up to 19000 in chips!

Started with 12500
-------

E-mail #8
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 3:29 p.m.
Subject: Poker Update

Just won a 5k pot with absolutely nothing.
Stone cold bluff.
-------

E-mail #9
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 3:29 p.m.
Subject: It feels so good

To not take this shit seriously

Everyone at my table are all in sunglasses and headphones and grinding like the douchebags they are.

WJ don't give a shit.

He's here to enjoy not suffer

Holding steady at 23000 chips

Only 41 players left

40 to beat
-------

E-mail #10
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 3:39 p.m.
Subject: Some pro just got moved to my table

I call him pro douchebag
-------

E-mail #11
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 3:39 p.m.
Subject: Extreme ADD

Just bet 200 on random horse races going off in 3 minutes

Felt the number 3
-------

E-mail #12
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 4:30 p.m.
Subject: Ouch

Just lost a 8k pot trying to bluff the pro douchebag
-------

E-mail #13
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 5:05 p.m.
Subject: Re: Ouch

Just bluffed off another 7k while getting a table massage
Note to self - no more table massages while playing in poker tournament
I'm down to 9k in chips
34 players left
I need some cards!!
-------

E-mail #14
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 5:17 p.m.
Subject: This guy is grinding 10 cents a spin


-------

E-mail #15
Location: Caesar's Palace
Time: 6:03 p.m.
Subject: Busted

Out of the tournament - 30th place

Haven't eaten since 9

Über tilt blackjack session at Caesars dumped a shitload

Yikes

Now headed back to wynn with a $5k flag - need to do some damage control

Might stop at wazuzu to calm down and eat
------

E-mail #16
Location: Wynn
Time: 6:22 p.m.
Subject: Ouch

Just got hammered again - this time at the wynn blackjack

Time to take a breather!!!!
-------

E-mail #17
Location: Wynn
Time: 7:18 p.m.
Subject: Just had my greatest craps roll

Of all time

Turned 1k into14200

Shipit

I held the dice for at least 35 minutes

When I sevened out I had at least 4k on the table

Felt pretty damn good

I'm back to even now for the day

Unreal
-------

E-mail #18
Location: Wynn
Time: 8:12 p.m.
Subject: Epic blackjack hand still haven't eaten


-------

E-mail #19
Location: Wynn
Time: 8:24 p.m.
Subject: I'm in flag heaven


"Almost a chocolate chip . . . "
-------

E-mail #20
Location: Wynn
Time: 8:50 p.m.
Subject: [none]

Just called [Beeejay] sounds like a great guy

I'm going to go meet him downtown at 10:30!!!
-------

E-mail #21
Location: Encore
Time: 8:58 p.m.
Subject: Wazuzu chow fest


-------

E-mail #22
Location: Encore
Time: 9:26 p.m.
Subject: The h is silent

In Jaco

It's pronounced "haaacko"

I loved that Bart called you jack-o

Fucking hilarious

He said they were looking to harpoon whalejo

He's awesome

Just absolutely caned 3 dishes in 10 minutes

I have hotsauce in my eyeballs
-------

E-mail #23
Location: Encore
Time: 9:23 p.m.
Subject: Handpay on $5 top dollar slot!!!!

It's making a really strange noise I think it might explode.


-------

E-mail #24
Location: Encore
Time: 10:36 p.m.
Subject: Purple People Eaters


-------

E-mail #24
Location: Downtown
Time: 11:56 p.m.
Subject: Jaco Fan


-------

The Whale Jo Chronicles - Live from Las Vegas - DAY ONE

DAY ONE - October 22, 2009

-------


E-mail #1
Location: Departure Airport
Time: 10:58 a.m.
Subject: Epic pee

I swear I just timed my pee and it was a minute and 45 seconds- unreal.

Good sign
-------

E-mail #2
Location: On the Airplane
Time: 11:18 a.m.
Subject: Ride from airport at 2:15

[Just e-mailed host at encore] asking for encore limo from airport I hope they send the rolls

Just asked for first class upgrade at the ticker counter but its sold out of course but I did move up from 24a to 12f

Double down on seat upgrade!

Why are there seven different varieties of gun magazines at the airport kiosk but not one magazine about gambling?
-------

E-mail #3
Location: Still On the Airplane
Time: 11:38 a.m.
Subject: Ride from airport at 2:15

Another small win - no one in the middle seat! Just about to take off have a lovely older lady on my left who is going to her friends wedding - I asked her if she likes to gamble and she said she only likes to watch.

I will never understand that
-------

E-mail #4
Location: On the Airplane - but in VEGAS
Time: 1:44 p.m.
Subject: A few random notes from 32,000 feet

(NOTE FROM JACO - Whale Jo drafted this on the plane and shot it off as soon as his plane touched down)

A few random notes from 32,000 feetVegas is a gigantic gurgling living maze of wonder and abandonment for me. It always has been and even now at age 39, blessed with everything I've ever wanted in life(the most amazing wife, my health, family, friends and a girl on her way), the allure is as strong as ever.

In one word it's possibility.

(sidenote the stewardess just walked by and gave me a smiley face on a post-it for being an MVP gold on Alaska air - and said I can cash it in later for a free drink! How cool is that??)

Possibility

It's the idea that anything can happen at any time. It's the odds defying mathematical anomaly that can and will happen at least a few times in life. I happen to believe there's a little more to what we see and know and it's a place like vegas that can give momentary glimpses into that other world. Everyone calls it something different, from religion to degeneracy, but in the doctrine of whalejo, I prefer to think of it as magic.

My best memories of this magic have occurred with Jaco.

I remember this mystical Asian woman at a roulette table who was telepathically funneling numbers to me, but she would just send me one number, like an 8. So then I would frantically cover every number with an 8 in it, 18, 28, 8, and then close my eyes and smile, knowing that the last 13 rolls were inexplicable and that this woman who Im not sure was even physcially there, was signalling me through a few seconds jump in time, giving me numbers to bet.

I remember an epic craps roll where I had to say the exact same thing over and over and over while one of the crew asked the most ridiculous question. And it wasn't until I had answered in the exact tone that he was listening for until he rolled. And rolled and rolled. he rolled for 45 minutes.

It's a release from the norm, a temporary respite from the regular rules.

I remember hitting 4 of a kind at let it ride - it was 4 4s and I had 2 in my hand and a split second before the dealer turned up her 2nd 4 in front of her to make me quads, I screamed across the casino to jaco - hey jaco watch this I'm gonna hit quads!!

I remember a thousand times that I knew I was going to lose. Just knew it absolutely without a doubt I was going to flush it. And it always happened.

But the true magic is when Jaco and I truly feel it. We dance between raindrops and everything turns to gold.

I remember walking by row after row of slot machines, looking for that one special gem, the one that was going to ring. And then sitting, respectfully acknowledging it's being, and then listening to it sing.

It's all crazy and it's all possible,But when Jaco and I are truly flowing through that magical ether of vegas and not fighting the stream but letting it take us over, magic happens.

I just reread that paragraph and it sounded quite gay. Clarification to the readers: jaco and whalejo are 2 of the most Hetero men in the planet. We are timber cutting woodsmen who rejoice in their testosterone fueled madness. However that does not and will not exclude us from being a tad sensitive to the wonder of the world. I for instance, will openly weep at soap commercials - get me to a wedding and I cry longer than the bride... I think Jaco will admit to the same delicate sensitivities

I've completely digressed and it's now time to finish this delicious rum drink, pop in a stick of nicotine gum and try to control my urge to scream Sanjaya!!! at the top of my lungs and crawl like a french circus performer along the tops of everyones heads, making my way row by row to the cockpit to speed this thing along!!!
-------

E-mail #5
Location: Sitll on the plane in VEGAS
Time: 1:46 p.m.
Subject: Ride from airport at 2:15

Just landed see [my host's] note below I swear she's mad at me!!!!
I feel like I got drunk and cheated on her
I hope I see her
I whispered shipit to myself 7 times as we landed
I got a goooooooood feeling!!!!
-------

E-mail #6
Location: Still on the plane in VEGAS
Time: 1:48 p.m.
Subject: Welcome to Las Vegas

I fucking love it
I just sent you long ramblings from the plane ride
It actually made the plane trip quicker
Now it's time for the full boar sprint through the airport
Why does Alaska drop you off at Timbuktu mccaren?
Where's my helicopter???????!
-------

E-mail #7
Location: Still on the plane in VEGAS
Time: 1:52 p.m.
Subject: I would pay 50 bucks

To be the first one off the plane

This is torture!!!!
-------

E-mail #8
Location: Outside of McCarren Airport
Time: 2:08 p.m.
Subject: No driver yet

But outside having my first vegas smoke

It feels like 85
-------

E-mail #9
Location: McCarren Airport
Time: 2:28 p.m.
Subject: James is here with the Rolls!

No message.
-------

E-mail #10
Location: With the Phantom
Time: 2:48 p.m.
Subject: WJ Arrives in style




-------

E-mail #11
Location: Encore
Time: 3:06 p.m.
Subject: Just got in the room

Moment of sadness without you next door and all that shared adrenalin
and anticipation

Caning beers and screaming obscenities

Vegas and the encore miss Jaco!!!!
-------

Email #12
Location: Wynn Casino
Time: 3:36 p.m.
Subject: First Session

Up $1500 played half a shoe of bj

Guy sitting on next table has $30k in front if him and his semi hot
girlfriend was doing a meg Ryan orgasm thing- it started feeling weird
so I bailed

At wynn now walked through encore and the vibe was dead

Now onto $5 vp
-------

E-mail #13
Location: Wynn Casino
Time: 3:42 p.m.
Subject: Full house $5 vp


-------
E-mails #14 - #17
Location: Wynn Casino
Time: 3:58 p.m.; 4:10 p.m.; 5:09 p.m.; 5:30 p.m.
Subjects: First handpay $5 wof; 2nd handpay!!!; Epic Blackjack hand - unreal; and Up $5k pic attached.



"Had no idea what it paid - $1290"




"Our old friend- I chose at least ten prizes - one $500 and several
$300!!!!!"



"Epic"



"shipit"
-------

E-mail #18
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 6:11 p.m.
Subject: So Hammered

Raising everything in 5-10 no limit not even looking

Winning pot after pot
-------

E-mail #19
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 6:53 p.m.
Subject: [none] (e-mail to the entire crew)

Up just shy of $5k raising every hand blind in wynn 5-10 no limit game and talking smack to the douches!!!!!!

2 hadpays a couple epic bj runs and a very drunk mental state

I keep asking the hot little waitress for a catheter
-------

E-mail #20
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 6:56 p.m.
Subject: Help me keep this I'll pay $500 of your airfare

[no message - Whale Jo just sent the pick of the $5k chip from above to the whole crew]
-------

E-mail #21
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 7:06 p.m.
Subject: [none - another e-mail sent to all the crew]

I'm crushing this no limit game raising blind every hand up about 6500 for the day

Guy just sat down with 15k.

Ruh roh
-------

E-mail #22
Location: Wynn casino
Time: 7:27 p.m.
Subject: Random 300 win in between poker session



-------

E-mail #23
Location: Okada
Time: 8:30 p.m.
Subject: [none]

I am following jacos advice to a T

[NOTE - I wrote Whale Jo and told him to go eat and then play one last hand of BJ and then lock himself in his room]

I am sitting at the okada bar with 5k cash in my pocket, 6k chips and about 2500 sitting at the poker table

Oh and a 600 slot ticket

I brought down 4 from the room and havnt been back

So up about 9???!

Shipitola!!!!

I'm so fuching happy

I think the waitress is scared of me I just ordered like 10 things

Gotta go pee again and then the feast begins!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------

E-mail #24
Location: Okada
Time: 8:38 p.m.
Subject: First round at Okada


-------

E-mail #25
Location: Okada
Time: 8:45 p.m.
Subject: View from the table

I'm already full and I just finished the first round!!!!


-------

E-mail #26
Location: Okada
Time: 8:51 p.m.
Subject: Food heaven

Pork, shrimp, scallops and bacon wrapped asparagus

Wake me up I'm dreaming


-------

E-mail #27
Location: Okada
Time: 8:57 p.m.
Subject: First round at Okada

I just told 3 people to wake me up

And then this one guy offered me an espresso

I love Vegas

I miss you dude

We would literally be crying right now

I want to jump across the counter and hug the sushi chef
-------

E-mail #28
Location: Okada
Time: 9:01 p.m.
Subject: Espresso then high limit blackjack

What a combination

If I happen to die let them know that I went out complete


-------

E-mail #29
Location: Wynn/Encore
Time: 10:22 p.m.
Subject: All on one card, life is good


-------
E-mail #30
Location: Wynn Casino
Time: 10:27 p.m.
Subject: [none]

You wouldn't believe the last blackjack hand - I split 2s for 3k and get a 14 on 1 hand and a 6 on the other - double down - I end up with a 17 - dealer draws 1 to a 13 and busts!!!!!

Shipit!!!

I fucking screamed it at the top of my lungs
-------

E-mail #31
Location: Encore
Time: 10:37 p.m.
Subject: [none]

Back in the room up about $13,500!!!

Time to chill with a movie and some cookies
-------

E-mail #32
Location: Encore
Time: 10:56 p.m.
Subject: WJ signing off for the night - up $13,500


-------

END OF DAY ONE.